FINDING OUR WAY BACK
by sourchxrry
Summary: They've been trying and failing for almost a decade. Through a series of almost and what if's, Damon and Elena never got their happy ending. The love between them burned bright, and remains aglow in their hearts. When they start descending down the same path, Elena gets scared and runs into the arms of another. She soon finds herself in a mess of tangled knots and blue eyes. AH AU
1. Chapter 1

**Finding Our Way Back**

Chapter One – Life Without You.

Disclaimer: I am not in any way affiliated with The Vampire Diaries.

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The sky is pitch black dark when she leaves for the evening, eyes heavy and head pounding. It had been her own fault, she'd allowed herself to continue assisting others and after 47 hours at work, Dr Mikaelson had sent her home stating that she was past the point of exhaustion and needed her beauty sleep. There had been a brief pause as she considered whether it had been intended as an insult, or at the very least a backhanded comment. It may be the dark circles around her eyes, or the fact that her caffeine intake had considerably increased as she reached the evening of her second night at the hospital, but there was no energy in her to question the meaning behind the chief's words.

Eight hours' prior, her escape from the building had almost been successful. But one of her patients needed immediate surgery and just like that she'd been changing from the comfort of her duffle coat and into her scrubs, joining the attending neurosurgeon. The adrenaline of surgery has and she hopes will always been something which gives her a major rush in life. Elena feels unfulfilled in her career, even though her personal life falls somewhat short of her parent's expectations. Or rather, what she imagines their expectations to be.

Clearing her throat, Elena pulls the coat closer around her skin, cringing from the cool air as she heads towards her grey GLA. The parking lot is full to the brim, her own car wedged between an old beaten up truck on the left which has parked a little too close to the line for her comfort, and a sleek black Lamborghini which she recognises as Dr Lockwood's. The job pays well, and Mason Lockwood was is not only the head of Cardiothoracic surgery, but a man who comes from substantial money. The founding families are quite renowned for their wealth.

"Lena, wait up!" a voice shouts, which has her head whipping around in the direction of the culprit. In the 2am darkness, she can barely make out the figure until they're only meters away. The first think she recognises is the officers uniform, and then next the soft blue eyes which she'd looked at many times before.

"Matt," she regards warmly, arms crossing over her chest. The need to yawn is more prominent, as though her body is falling from the previous high, and all that's left is the exhausted bones of a girl working herself too hard.

He eagerly pulls her into a hug, and she wonders briefly how they had through all the trials and tribulations which life had thrown at them, still managed to remain friends. Their teenage years had been filled with awkwardness, the two of them testing out a relationship before she finally realised that they were better off as friends. Of course, Matt is now happily married with a new born and a cat that Elena thinks he not so secretly hates.

"How are you doing? How's Rebekah?" Elena asks, willing herself to make conversation rather than bail too quickly, despite her desire to jump into bed. The tiredness in Matt's eyes does not mask the happiness which shines when Elena's question hits his ears.

"Well, really well. I do enjoy my job, but I must admit it is hard leaving the house now. I swear for the first week I just couldn't look away from her."

"Chloe better understand that her Aunty Elena is going to give her far too many cuddles," she responds with a wink. A yawn escapes her, it's big and has her grasping her mouth in an fruitless attempt to mask it. Despite her wanting to stay and talk to Matt the tiredness is too much and if she's to successful drive home then she needs to go now.

"I best be going home. It's been a long day."

Matt nods, squeezing her shoulder in a comforting sort of way, "You going to be okay getting home?" That's Matt, always caring and concerned, it's why he makes a great police officer. She thinks he might be made sheriff at some point soon, he certainly deserves it. Since Liz Forbes died, the position has been taken and vacated many times, no one caring to stick around in the small town. "Goodnight Elena, I'll see you at the Salvatore's."

Yanking her keys out of her bag, she presses the button to open the door and slides in, letting out a sigh of relief as her back hits the seat. The car itself is cold, but she doesn't dare warm it up, she needs to be alert and the heated seats and warm air would not help. Better she freezes slightly in her chilled Mercedes.

The drive home is peaceful, no cars clutter the road and slow down her steady pace. The hour grows closer to 3am when she finally pulls up to her house, the house which she'd called home since Miranda and Grayson Gilbert had brought her home from the hospital. Elena has never had the heart to leave her childhood home, and although it look vastly different on the inside from her eventually deciding that living in a museum of her parents things was simply not the way to live her life.

The kitchen has been redesigned, new cabinets and worktops inserted, the lounge decorated to her taste – which still somehow emulates her mothers. Her childhood bedroom became the guest, whilst her beloved horse canvas still hangs gracefully on the pale walls.

The ascension of the stairs is slow and needy, Elena already dragging her sweater over her head. Soft pillows cradle her head as she dives into the warmth of her king size, desperate to fall into a deep slumber.

A tone too cheery for her exhaustion assaults her ears, and all too soon she's diving her hand into her discarded handbag to find the almost drained phone buzzing, the screen alight with a picture of her gleaming best friend.  
"Wakey wakey sleepy head!" Caroline's voice is full of excitement, and Elena is almost certain that the girl will have had no caffeine.

Words scramble in her mind, and the only thing she can do is groan in exhaustion. "Get some strong coffee, Elena! We've got brunch with Lily at 10."

Elena cannot admit that she completely forgot, it's almost shameful. Lily had become something of a surrogate mother, although no one could replace Miranda, but the two had been close and therefore so had the Gilbert's and Salvatore's. When her parents had died, Lily and Giuseppe offered to take in the orphaned children, but along came their aunt to sweep up the broken pieces the Gilbert family.

Pressing the phone closer to her ear, Elena peers over her mountain of pillows to peer at the clock on her nightstand which sits at a meagre 7:45am. Not even 5 hours sleep and she was being dragged from her peaceful slumber and into the real world. Fortunately, she had 3 days off work, although that last surgery had cut into the time…not that she minded.

"I'm getting up," she grumbles, surging her body forward, hair tossed not so elegantly over her forehead and flying in multiple directions. Her feet touch the plush carpet, something she'd happily splurged on for the cushiony way it feels underfoot. Elena rubs at her eyes with her free hand, loathing the fact that she hadn't taken off her mascara before falling into bed. "How're the plans going for her birthday party?" She questions, letting out a yawn in the process.

"I've been up since half 6 shouting at the florist."

Trepidation follows her excitement for Lily's party. Despite Elena's failure to keep a relationship going with Lily's eldest son, the woman has remained a constant in her life, something which she's immensely grateful for. Of course, the problem is not seeing Lily, or even being in the Salvatore family's company…it's Damon. They're friends, supposedly. But he's a recent divorcee and she'd spent most his marriage to Andie avoiding him. Three years her elder, and not necessarily wiser, Damon appears to have just as much luck in love as she does. He'd found his wife in bed with her assistant, he hadn't even fought for his wife after that, simply left New York where they'd relocated to, and returned to Mystic Falls with his head down.

From what Elena has heard, Damon's started working on a large patch of land where the old Salvatore estate once was, with the intention of building one right by the lakeside. Caroline, of course, was the bearer of this news.

Absentmindedly, Elena played with the ring that Damon had gifted on her twenty first birthday when they were in the friendly ex's stage. This was before tries two and three, when Elena still felt comfortable in his presence. Her early twenties had been full of medical school, internships and her crumbling relationship with Damon Salvatore. Even now at the age of twenty-eight, she still has 3 years until she's an attending neurosurgeon. Elena can't count the amount of dates she's cancelled due to the pager demanding she rush off to the hospital.

She's had one relationship since Damon, and she only met the guy because he was on the same surgical program as she was. It lasted almost a year, although it quickly became routine to see him and smile, opposed to him igniting any passion within her. They broke up, Liam moved away, that was that.

These days the only guys she has hitting on her are the patients, all of whom she politely declines.

Trudging into the kitchen, Elena yanks open the fridge door and pulls out a carton of orange juice, which she decants eagerly into a tumbler. The consumption is quick, the cold freezing her senses. She wonders briefly why they're brunching in November, it seems like more of a spring/summer activity.

Her fingers flick the switch of the coffee maker, whilst she heads back out of the kitchen and up the stairs to have a much-needed shower. She doesn't even want to count the hours since her last one. Her jaunt round the house in her underwear ends at the bathroom, when she steps inside to start the jet of water.

The heat is comforting against her skin, and she relishes in the way that a shower can make her feel human again. Her hands dive into the tangles of her hair to try and separate the mangled knots before applying her favourite Oribe shampoo which is far too extravagant in price but smells so damn good.

She doesn't linger in the shower for too long despite her aching bones, aware that she needs to be out of the house very soon. The trouble with being swathed in the warmth of water, is the inevitability of the cool air hitting her body the moment she steps from under it and onto the bathroom tiles. It takes her a minute to build up the courage, and then she's leaping quickly to grab one of the fluffy towels. She has the misfortune of stubbing her toe, "Shit," she exclaims bending to clutch her throbbing foot.

Elena goes about her normal morning routine, until her face is made up and she's walking down the stairs with her hair slightly curled at the ends from where she'd taken her styler to the roots and twisted partly, intent on finally drinking that strong coffee.

Her phone is still on the kitchen counter, her screen lighting up with a new message. In fact, there are several new messages. Most are checking that she's attending the party and one from Mason asking how he can stop Jules from moaning like a bitch. _Nice Mason._

The latest one is from Lily, stating that she can't wait for brunch. Elena is quick to respond back, with an equally warm response to mirror the elder lady.

Grabbing her favourite mug, she decants some of the filtered coffee and moans when the liquid finally touches her lips. Sighing with gratefulness, Elena checks the time on her phone. She has 12 minutes until her exit from the house is essential, if she's to make it on time to the beautiful little café which Rebekah had opened several years ago…it was apparently part of a business venture and she'd gone from clothes stylist for the elite, to coffee shop owner. Truthfully, Rebekah seemed to just want a place that felt like home, and she'd found it in Mystic Falls.

Not too long after, Elijah and his wife had also arrived in Mystic Falls and he'd taken up the role as chief of surgery. From what Elena knows, there are other Mikaelson siblings, but they live in various locations and have never bothered to visit the quaint town.

Her coffee is finished quickly, the base of the mug suddenly empty as she consumes the lot and places it into dishwasher. Her hand darts out to collect her car keys, as she slips her tight clad legs into her favourite pair of ankle boots. Her long-sleeved chiffon skater dress is not warm enough on its own, so she pulls on a black wool coat and camel coloured scarf.

With two weeks to go until Thanksgiving, Elena realises that she's made zero plans thus far. Last year had been easy, Lily and Giuseppe went to visit Damon and Andie in New York, and so Elena had a dinner with her friends, since Stefan and Caroline had decided to stay behind, something about a falling out with Andie.

Elena is always someone to see the good in others, and she certainly isn't going to bash Andie just because she ended up marrying the man that Elena thought she may one day wed one day, but the woman sounds like a piece of work from what Caroline had told her.

She braves the outside air, almost amazed that she's not walking around in a zombie-esque state, with under 5 hours sleep carrying her through the day. Hopefully after brunch she can take a nap, at least then she may make it through the party.

Ten minutes early, and still the last to arrive. Elena notices that Caroline and Lily look to have already made themselves comfortable in the corner table of the café, in her opinion, the best table. Copper lights hang elegantly from the ceiling, and chalkboard menus grace the back walls while dark wood furniture decorates the large spaces, all laid out with fresh linens and sparkling silverware. Rebekah Mikaelson has spared no expense, and the thing Elena loves about the place was the smell of ground coffee and the baking of bread.

She small heels of her boots click clack against the bright floor, and Lily's head is turning to face her, raven locks crowning her beautiful features as a smile lifts effortlessly, "Elena," she greets warmly, standing up to pull her in for a hug.

"Happy early birthday," Elena responds, inhaling the familiar and comforting smell of cinnamon cookies…Lily had been baking.

Lily Salvatore is the kind of woman who everybody loves. Not in the way which would make others jealous, but simply because she herself has so much love to give. Her words are filled with kindness, she's the heart affixed to Giuseppe and he would likely be a different man without her by his side. They're each other's match.

"What time did this one wake you up?" Lily asks, amusement laced within the strands of her words. Caroline lifts her hand up to her chest in mock horror.

"It wasn't that early, actually" she retaliates in a jesting form, whilst Elena simply looks at the two of them bemused.

"It wasn't early. But I would've been late without Caroline's wake up call. The attending neurologist was called into a surgery just as I was leaving, and of course that meant I was staying to help." There's no bitterness there, everyone around the table knows that Elena loves her job, it's just a tiring one.

"I'm glad you could make it, sweetheart," Lily responds softly, stretching her fingers to pluck the menu up from where it sits on her placemat. Both Caroline and Elena mirror these actions, eager to consume. Elena hadn't realised how hungry she was, but now it's beyond that and she can't remember the last time she had something to eat.

Caroline is first to decide, immediately jumping in with avocado toast with egg, something which Elena would personally not try willingly. If Elena is having brunch, she wants to consume something which has been tried and tested by herself.

"Don't worry, Elena. I'll let you try some so you know for next time."

She herself decides on French toast with bacon and syrup, whilst Lily chooses bacon, eggs and toast.

Elena's stomach growls impatiently once the order has been placed, as she sips on her orange juice and involves herself in the conversation.

"Did you know that they're withholding grandchildren?" Lily asks.

Caroline proceeds to roll her eyes, leaning slightly forward, pink polished nails clasping on the table. "We're not withholding them from you! We just haven't started trying yet. We've only been married for three years, and I'm very happy in my career right now and so is Stefan."

"I know, Caroline. I'm just messing with you. Although I'm saying that if you guys decide to get a dog instead of a baby, I will be mildly disappointed. Anyway, I was certain that I'd have one from Damon first…no such luck there."

The mention of Damon has her swallowing her orange juice hard, the pit of her stomach groaning. It shouldn't be this way! They haven't even been together since she was twenty-five. Elena presses her chin to her knuckles, listening to the two women talk about the former love of her life.

"How's he doing?" Caroline asks, offering Elena a stray glance. "Stefan hasn't told me much, and with the party planning I haven't had time to visit the empty space he's currently residing on."

There's a warmth in Lily's eyes, she's clearly remembering something fond. "He's doing really well. Better actually. I know that he's waiting for the divorce to be finalised, but I feel like I've got my Damon back…not the man that Andie turned him into. I'll always love him, but I didn't enjoy his personality for a while."

"She wasn't who he was supposed to be with," Caroline responds, her attention turning towards Elena. The tips of her ears grow hot, a blush spreading onto her cheeks.

"He deserves to be happy," Elena mutters. Lily offers her a motherly smile, whilst Elena's thoughts stray more to Damon. She knows he'll be at the party later, why would he miss it? In three and a half years, Damon had moved to New York, gotten married, apparently been a shitty person to his mother and got a divorce, and all she'd done is focused on her career and dated one guy.

She can still remember their last fight, him being frustrated at all the extra hours she was having to stay at the hospital, the fact that she didn't want to do anything when she got home. Damon's job simply has more sociable hours and he had claimed that being in a relationship with Elena was like being in a relationship with no one.

That's how they'd ended the last time, and they'd promised themselves that it was the last time they were going to try, that if they couldn't even make it down the aisle then they weren't destined to spend the rest of their lives together.

They were real, and that's why it hurts still.

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Note: Lily in this verse is completely different, but I want to make her a lovable mothering type for all.

I hope you enjoyed the first instalment! Your feedback would be much appreciated.

I will see you soon with the next update.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two** – Still Falling for You

Disclaimer: I don't own TVD.

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Holding the curling iron to her brunette strands, Elena attempts to keep her focus on her reflection in the mirror. Half her hair remains relatively straight, whilst the other half has been spun into waves worthy of a Victoria's Secret model. It has a style she'd learnt back in high school, when Caroline was constantly begging to do her best friends hair. Bonnie had been the first to put her foot down, allowing Elena to play doll for a while longer before Caroline moved onto the event planning phase.

She's already painted her nails, although it will be all of 48 hours before she's removing it once again. Still, Elena enjoys feeling feminine when she can, glamour comes very little to a surgeon.

Elena gnaws at her lip, wondering if she should ring Damon. It might be easier to speak to him before she arrives at the party, make it less awkward. But then, where is her right to call Damon? He's had a lot more happen in his life, and he likely doesn't even think about her anymore. She thinks of the faceless Andie, just a name in her mind, which she can easily conjure into a rich bitch type just to put her mind at ease for secretly loathing someone she's never met. How could Andie cheat on Damon? It seems too cruel.

She wonders briefly what Damon was like as a husband, attentive or detached? Did he surprise Andie with flowers, or stay at the office too late? Did they discuss children? Did either of them want them? Did Damon miss home or was he happy in New York?

"Stop it, Elena. You shouldn't care." She shouldn't care, but she does. Elena Gilbert will always care deeply about Damon Salvatore, she never wants to see him hurt and fears then when she sees him tonight, he'll be a broken man. No, Lily had said that he's doing well, like she's got her son back.

Setting down the curling iron, her hand darts to the side to pick up her glass of wine. Only one is allowed if she's to drive to the venue without breaking the law, but it's enough to steady her nerves. The deep red blends in with her lipstick as she takes a sip of the liquid.

She remembers afternoons sat in front of the fire, glasses of wine caught in their hands as the lay lazily in the arms of the other, blissful, content, in love. Elena couldn't then, and still can't explain what it is between herself and Damon. Each time, Elena had told herself that it was the last, that they would never find one another. But they always did.

"We are in a toxic relationship!" he'd shouted at her, that was the last time they'd been together. That was 3 years ago, and Elena had to admit that there was still a part that missed him. She missed the friend she'd met years ago, when she was young and care-free.

Her phone lights up, it's Bonnie asking where she is. The invites said from 7:30pm, and it's now 7:45. She doesn't consider herself late, and of course she's been prolonging the inevitable.

Slipping off her robe, she wanders across her bedroom to grab the dress she'd chosen a few days before. A lace leather effect dress slipped over her body, hugging each curve and accentuating her assets. Has she purposely made herself look fantastic because Damon is there and she wants to show that she's okay without him…maybe a little.

Elena gathers her courage. Her part love doesn't bother her, her own heart bothers her. They've been on the edge so many times, he's been married and she's moved on. But she always fears old habits.

The entrance to the Salvatore Boarding House fills her with nostalgia, all around are balloons in shades of red and silver, garden bushes are lit and cars scatter the entrance whilst the hired valet's direct the motors to a designated area. Elena's own car keys have been passed on, although she doubts she'll be driving home. There's no intention for her to stay sober.

Clearing her throat, Elena grasps the first glass of champagne that she spots from a serving tray, the walls inviting her further in. She can recall many days spent in this house, kissing Damon against the wall when nobody was home, lying in his bath and daydreaming about what they could be.

She rounds the corner, hoping to find Bonnie or Caroline, but instead bumps straight into him. His eyes are caught on her own, the panic in stomach rises. It's one thing to think of him fondly, because he's just returned, but it's another to see him. With every blissful thought of Damon, comes the tears and the hurt.

They were in a toxic relationship. He'd once shouted at her, asked her why she was with him if all she wanted to do was change him.

Elena always saw the good in Damon, even when he fucked up. Granted, Lily had always brought out the softer side in her son, whilst Giuseppe had only ever provoked him.

He touches her arm, and she's instantly recoiling. "Damon," she greets, taking a long sip of her champagne. His glass is glinting, his poison of choice sitting at the bottom. He always smelled like bourbon and expensive aftershave, occasionally with a hint of leather if he'd worn his jacket.

Despite consuming the amber bubbles, her mouth still feels dry.

"Elena," he nods his head, and suddenly he's departing. She stands, alone in the middle of the room with a gasp caught in her throat.

She presses a hand to her forehead, releasing a large sigh. Damn him.

Enzo enters her sight, and she knows instantly that Bonnie can't be too far behind. Elena is hoping they'll get drunk enough to give her a rendition of the latest song they've been practicing on the guitar, they usually only did it in private. Once she'd caught them curled up on the sofa playing a song, it was the cutest thing.

Everyone expects Bonnie and Enzo to get married, they've been dating for years. They survived where so many did not, and they were taking it at their own pace. In fact, she wondered if they'd ever walk down the aisle. Those two are the kind of couple to not need a wedding to show how much they love one another.

Her best friend does not appear, despite Elena's internal pleas, and only Enzo remains in her sight, his arm clasping her former lovers, friends...she'd forgotten. They'd once gone on a string of double dates, and she'd always felt envious of the ease in which Bonnie and Enzo continued to keep their relationship afloat, more so than her and Damon.

The last time they'd broken up was the worst, and she'd blocked out the memory of the pain he'd cause. But seeing him reminded her of not only how much she'd loved him, but how much he'd hurt her. There was no innocent party, Elena had hurt him too...but with far less intent than him. They drove each other nuts, that was the problem.

She really needed to get over Damon. Correction. She is over Damon, it's just the first time she's seen him in a while and it's provoking a few intruding memories. It would be fine, she could make it through the evening.

Dark sheets cling to every curve of her naked body, draping lazily around her waist, whilst an arm was spiralled around her chest, shielding her naked breasts from the cool air. The inky bedding is familiar, a comforting scent lulling her to fall back into a deep slumber. Wine stained lips rub together, her tongue tasting the remains of vino which cause her head to pound with regret. Her eyes remain tightly shut, body beginning to tense, she wants to imagine she's somewhere else, with anyone else. Adulthood was supposed to be about not repeating old mistakes, clearly she still has a lot to learn.

Without her vision, Elena is still perfectly aware of whose bed she's in.

She wants to run, it's all she feels like doing. Urging her body to move from his grip, she scans the room for any of her clothes, and is grateful to spot her dress strewn across a chair. Somehow, she still needed to successfully escape Damon's room, and pretend she'd spent the night in one of the guest rooms that Lily had promised her.

Her fingers grasp his arm, attempting to pry herself from his grip. The action only causes his him to cling tighter, head nuzzling into her neck, breath hot on her cheek. Panic rises in her chest, she shouldn't have done this. It was a mistake, a huge mistake. The room around her feels smaller, and with every breath she takes, Damon seeks to hold on tighter, like a snake slowly choking it's prey.

A single tear falls down her cheek, it's hot and she's gasping to get away from him. She can't go round in circles with him again. No, it's just one night, they can forget about this. Sex, it was the thing they always went back to, the thing they which they had absolutely no trouble with. She can feel the corners of the drawers against the back of legs. roaming hands and desperate hands. He whispered something to her, she can't remember what it was, but it had allowed her to lose all inhibitions.

He shifts in his sleep, and she takes her moment to release herself from his grasp. It's barely 5:30, and she swears it's only been two hours since the event, and her head continues to swim with alcohol. She stumbles to grip onto her dress, eyes attempting to focus on any underwear to no avail, it could very well be in the bed with Damon and she's not going to route for pants in the midst of the sheets.

Stepping into her dress, she hears him groan behind her.

"Elena?" he questions, and she doesn't dare turn around to look at him. Her lip is caught between her teeth, and she's dragging the zip up her back. Mistakes ring in her mind, and she can't look at him, can't face them.

"Elena," he repeats, this time with a clearer voice. She wonders how much bourbon he had, because he sounds surprisingly sober.

"No," she whispers, bending to grasp her heels.

"I meant what I said, Elena." She can't remember it, and it has her stomach in knots.

"I have to go."

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 **Note:** I hope you enjoyed! Sorry it's been a while, real life and all that jazz. This chapter is shorter because I cut out certain scenes, because they're in future chapters. But yeah, the next one will be around the same length as the first chapter.

Please leave me your reviews, it would mean the world.


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